Unravelling the Hidden Truth: Your Anxiety Might Not Be Just About You

Unravelling the Hidden Truth: Your Anxiety Might Not Be Just About You

For over 15 years, I have grappled with anxiety ever since my divorce. Walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting others, afraid to assert myself, and constantly apologizing for things that weren't my fault, my anxiety became a crippling force in my life. Unaware of my undiagnosed neurodivergence, I blamed myself for the tumultuous relationships and toxic dynamics that surrounded me. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't just my own internal struggles causing my anxiety, but also the abusive treatment I endured.

However, as I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing, I began to view my anxiety in a different light. It became a gift, an intuition that alerted me to potential harm or toxic environments. Once I became aware of my true diagnosis and empowered myself to learn that I was a victim of abuse, my anxiety transformed. It no longer controlled me; instead, it became a guiding force, a gut feeling that I needed to trust. Infact, it’s not often I experience it at all anymore in a negative way.

It's crucial to recognize that anxiety can sometimes be a trigger, indicating that we may be engaging in harmful behaviours or making unhealthy choices. It serves as a reminder for us to be self-aware and introspective, examining our actions and their impact on ourselves and others. Anxiety can be a wake-up call, urging us to delve deeper into our own motivations and address any addictive tendencies or patterns of abuse. While it's important to approach anxiety with self-reflection and personal growth, it's essential to remember that I am not a medical professional. If you are experiencing anxiety, it's still imperative to seek guidance from a healthcare provider to explore all possible factors and determine the best course of action for your well-being.

So, my dear friends, before you label yourself with crippling anxiety, take a moment to assess whether you are surrounded by assholes. Or even worse, if you are an asshole yourself! Sometimes, our anxiety is not a flaw within ourselves but a response to the toxic people and harmful situations we find ourselves in. By recognizing this, you can empower yourself to break free from the cycle of abuse and create a supportive and safe environment where your anxiety can be transformed into a valuable source of intuition. Remember, trust your gut and prioritize your well-being. You deserve a life free from anxiety and surrounded by genuine love and respect.


In a world where women often bear the weight of multiple responsibilities, it is not uncommon to experience anxiety. However, it is crucial to recognize that sometimes anxiety isn't solely a personal struggle, but a reflection of external factors, including abuse and the emotional labour that women carry. In this educational blog, we will explore the signs that your anxiety may be influenced by someone else and shed light on the importance of seeking help and breaking free from the cycle of emotional distress.

Signs of the Impact of Abuse and Emotional Labour:

1. Unexplained Physical Symptoms:

If you find yourself constantly battling chronic headaches, stomach issues, or reproductive problems without any clear medical cause, it could be a sign that your anxiety is rooted in external factors. These physical manifestations may be your body's way of signalling that something deeper is affecting your well-being.

2. Disproportionate Reactions:

Do you often feel overwhelmed or experience intense anxiety in situations that would typically be considered minor or manageable by others? This heightened response might indicate that your anxiety is linked to the emotional dynamics and abuse present in your life. Recognizing these disproportionate reactions can be a valuable clue in understanding the true source of your anxiety.

3. Feeling Constantly on Edge:

If you constantly find yourself on high alert, anticipating conflict, or feeling unsafe, it may be a reflection of the toxic environment you're in. Your anxiety might be a protective response to the emotional harm you're experiencing, and acknowledging this can be the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind.

4. Absorbing Others' Energy:

Anxiety can be contagious, especially within family dynamics. If your children or loved ones are also exhibiting signs of anxiety, it's important to consider how your own emotional state may be influencing theirs. Children often absorb the energy and emotions of those around them, and addressing your own anxiety can create a healthier environment for everyone involved.

5. Constant Apologizing:

If you find yourself constantly saying sorry, even when it's not warranted, it can be a sign of the impact of abuse and emotional labour. This excessive apologizing stems from a deep-seated belief that everything is your fault, making you feel responsible for the emotions and actions of others. It not only reflects a diminished sense of self-worth but also contributes to heightened anxiety levels.

Impact on Children:

Children who experience anxiety often have valid reasons behind their struggles. Factors such as bullying at school, exposure to violence or trauma, or even absorbing their parents' anxieties and energy can significantly contribute to their anxiety levels. It is crucial to create a safe and supportive environment for children, addressing their anxiety by identifying these underlying causes and seeking appropriate help or intervention.


Understanding that your anxiety may stem from external factors is an important realization. By recognizing the signs of abuse and emotional labour, including constant apologizing, you can take steps towards breaking free from the cycle of anxiety and reclaiming your mental well-being. Remember, seeking help, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are powerful tools in navigating this journey of healing. You deserve a life free from anxiety, and with support and empowerment, it is possible to achieve just that. If someone in your life is experiencing these symptoms, proper support is crucial. Please reach out to a professional.

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